The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
