Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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