I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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