I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
