She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
