doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
