I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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