i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
