No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
