How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and she was petting her beer can
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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