my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
