We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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