you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
