My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A bitchslap is in order.
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