it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
