when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
