Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
handjob tips. give me some.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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