apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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