so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
