Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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