went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
