I wish I only lived at night.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
