Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
