I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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