Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
