cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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