I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well you can't waste a boner
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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