So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
being pregnant is like rehab
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
