If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
