i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
