Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
