i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Randomize
