I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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