Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
