I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
