This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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