My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
