someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
