so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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