his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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