remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
