You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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