It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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