With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
