Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
