I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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