you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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