and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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