watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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