I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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