I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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