A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
