She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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