We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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