It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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