If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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