Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
