Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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